penceyprepofficial:

when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder

(via rosebelikova)

Notes
282191
Posted
2 months ago

orangewave:

there are two types of people in this world

  • people i can trust to help me hide a body 
  • people who are the body 

(via creyley)

Notes
117137
Posted
2 months ago

waterfallfish:

Ugh how do you expect me to decide what college to attend or who I want to marry or what I want to do for the rest of my life I CAN’T EVEN DECIDE WHERE TO PUT A STICKER BECAUSE PEELING OFF THE BACK AND HAVING IT STAY IN ONE PLACE FOREVER IS TOO BIG OF A COMMITMENT FOR ME TO LIVE WITH

(Source: waterfallfish, via kept-under-lock-and-key)

Notes
214990
Posted
2 months ago

batfricans:

is there anything worse than hearing your own recorded voice i think no

(Source: swellsea, via didyoujustcallmelady)

Notes
294847
Posted
2 months ago

winchesterlicious:

My mum just came into my room and said “did you lose a pair of pants?”

and I was like “…what”

and then she took my hand

and gave me this carrot

image

I tried to give it back but she ran away laughing

(via laughbitches)

Notes
180020
Posted
2 months ago

villainsandfairytales:

Every time I walk into a library I feel like I’m being judged by the librarians like oh you’re a teenager don’t you have a village to burn down or something

(Source: doctour-who, via laughbitches)

Notes
164079
Posted
3 months ago

Trying to make sexy face pictures.

sodamnrelatable:

Other people:

image

Me:

image

(Source: thisisnotmyfairytaleendingg)

Notes
117770
Posted
3 months ago
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